Sideswipe: March 18: Fancy Feast tin face

My family is weird

1. We taught our kids how the cow says “moo” and the pig says “oink” etc. When we got to giraffe, we didn’t know, so we said “ding-dong” and it stuck. Now, when somebody rings the doorbell, the kids yell: “The giraffe is back!”
2. Every time I wear my gaming headset, one of my uncles will act like a fast-food customer and tell me that he would like some burgers and fries for him, his wife and kids.
3. At Christmas my dad prints off my brother’s entire search history from the past year and makes it into a scrapbook for the family’s entertainment.
4. My friend’s family used to send out their annual Christmas card with everyone’s height and weight on it.
5. If we have leftover pancakes someone in the family will hide it in another family members coat pocket or shoe. When you find it you have to say: “I’ve been pancaked.”

Logo misfire

Amazon has quickly changed its main shopping-app logo after commentators said the recent redesign made it look like Adolf Hitler. Launched in January, the icon depicts a strip of blue tape over an Amazon “smile” logo. But some observers said it resembled a toothbrush moustache, associated with the Nazi dictator. The technology giant has now changed the design to a folded blue tape, following customer feedback. Amazon told BBC News the first icon had been trialled in a few countries before the change had been made.

Virtual gardening

A British website that reviews garden sheds posted a job listing for an unusual $70-per-hour position: Minecraft gardening consultant. WhatShed said those employed by its Minecraft Gardening Service will lend their video gaming and garden design skills to Minecraft players seeking a little help landscaping in the virtual world of the game. “Will be able to lend their expertise for achieving gardening excellence while sticking to the player’s Minecoin budget (in-game currency),” the company said.

If I were the Evil Overlord …

• If I have several diabolical schemes to destroy the hero, I will launch them all at once rather than singly, thereby saving myself the aggravation of watching them fail in succession.
• If I decide to hold the double execution of the hero and an underling who betrayed me, the hero will be scheduled to go first.
• Shooting is not “too good” for my enemies.
• My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear, space-age-plastic faceplates that allow the troopers to see clearly, and allow others to identify the trooper by sight with ease.
• Despite the delicious irony, I will not force two heroes to fight each other in the arena.
• I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues to my Master Plan in the form of riddles for my enemies to find.
• No matter how much I desire vengeance, I will never issue the order: “Leave him! He’s mine!”
• My noble half-brother, whose throne I usurped to come into power, will not be secretly kept imprisoned anonymously in a cell in my dungeon. He will be killed as soon as my coronation is over.
(From the Evil Overlord List, compiled in 1990 by the FidoNet Science Fiction and Fandom email echo)

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