Stephen Colbert Is Conflicted Over Oath Keepers Leader’s Conviction

Stephen Colbert Is Conflicted Over Oath Keepers Leader’s Conviction

Colbert said he felt “pretty darn good” about Stewart Rhodes’s verdict: “and I feel a little bad about that, because the thing I feel great about is somebody else going to prison.”

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By Trish Bendix

Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.

Lock Him Up!

A jury convicted the Oath Keepers leader Stewart Rhodes of seditious conspiracy on Tuesday, for his participation in the attack on the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021.

Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday night that he was conflicted about feeling “pretty darn good” about the news, adding “and I feel a little bad about that, because the thing I feel great about is somebody else going to prison.”

“Rhodes was also found guilty of other bad stuff, which is why he is now facing a maximum of 60 years in prison. That’s a long time, baby. That’s a long stretch. On the bright side, by 2082, the hip new look might be steampunk cowboy pirate.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Now, when you hear the name ‘Oath Keepers,’ you know, and that eye patch, it makes Rhodes sort of seem like a heroic freedom rebel. In reality, he’s a disbarred Yale law grad who wears an eye patch after accidentally shooting himself in the face with his own gun. Oops-a-karma!” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“It’s embarrassing, is what it is. That’s like finding out Rambo wears that headband to cover up his ‘live, laugh, love’ tattoo.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“This conviction, make no mistake, is a huge deal. It marks the very first time that a jury has decided that the Jan. 6 violence was the product of an organized conspiracy. Well, yeah! I watched it — it sure seemed organized. I don’t remember any headlines that said, ‘Capitol Meet-Cute Gets Out of Hand.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Rhodes is such a scumbag, even his estranged wife chimed in, saying that the conviction is the first time Rhodes has ever faced consequences. Damn! Damn! That is what you call ‘winning the breakup.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

The Punchiest Punchlines (It’s Lit Edition)

“December is minutes away from happening, and they got the holidays started in our nation’s capitol tonight. The president and first lady took part in the 100th lighting of the National Christmas Tree. Tonight, thousands of Americans gathered outside the White House to watch an old man flip a light switch.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“The tree, it’s 27 feet tall. They did not chop it down. It is a live white fir tree, it was planted last October, after the previous National Christmas Tree was removed in May of 2021 because it had a fungal disease — the second time that year that a fungus had to be removed from the White House.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

The Bits Worth Watching

On Wednesday’s “Tonight Show,” Dolly Parton addressed rumors of a secret unreleased song not be released until 2045.

What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night

“Stranger Things” star Dave Harbour will talk about his new film, “Violent Night,” on Thursday’s “Late Late Show.”

Also, Check This Out

Here’s a playlist of the 12 best, and best-remembered, songs of Christine McVie, the Fleetwood Mac singer, songwriter and keyboardist who died on Wednesday at 79.

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