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‘Les Muellerables’
Late-night hosts on Thursday couldn’t help but notice a certain disappointment in the air over Robert Mueller’s testimony before Congress the day before.
“Yesterday, as you likely know, was a big day of testimony in Washington: The premiere of ‘Les Muellerables.’ Special Counsel Robert Mueller appeared before the House Judiciary and Intelligence committees for nearly seven hours of Q. and A. More Q than A.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Look at these headlines. New York Times: ‘The blockbuster that wasn’t — Mueller disappoints the Democrats.’ A.P.: ‘Mueller hearing makes for less than compelling T.V. drama.’ And he only got 35 percent on Rotten Tomatoes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“What were you expecting? Did you think Mueller was going to smash through the wall in a monster truck called the DeTrumpulator?” — SETH MEYERS
People on both sides of the political aisle found Mueller less than telegenic, but Stephen Colbert said ratings weren’t everything.
“That’s right — both Democrats and Republicans thought Mueller came off as slow and old. I’m not saying Mueller was bad, but he made Bernie Sanders look like one of the kids from ‘Stranger Things.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“We can’t determine the value of Mueller’s testimony by ratings! If that were the case, ‘Avengers: Endgame’ would be president of the United States. It would be nice. It might be nice. I’d go for that. At least Thanos cares about the environment. He’s got some plan!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“I don’t want a government that cares about ratings, because we already have that with Donald Trump.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“And if we’ve learned one thing from watching movies like ‘Star Wars’ and ‘Lord of the Rings,’ it’s that we should always ignore the dire warnings of the old guy.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Hugging Don Edition)
“I heard that yesterday the president watched all seven hours on T.V., but today he went back to his usual schedule of watching seven hours of T.V.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Apparently, President Trump is thrilled with how it went. Yep, he was so happy, he came this close to hugging Don Jr.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Well, after the hearing, Trump said Mueller’s performance was, quote, ‘one of the worst performances in the history of the country.’ And then Stormy Daniels was like, ‘Second worst.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“O.K., I know you watched the hearing, but did you listen or did your aides secretly dub over Mueller’s lines with Sean Hannity saying nice things about you?” — SETH MEYERS
The Bits Worth Watching
Bernie Sanders didn’t watch Mueller’s testimony (he says he was on a plane), but he shared some thoughts about the special counsel’s report on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
Also, Check This Out
An adaptation of Baz Luhrmann’s 2001 movie musical “Moulin Rouge” is now on Broadway. Ben Brantley raves about it in this week’s Critic’s Pick, saying it “translates the shimmery illusions of cinema into the grit and greasepaint of live theater.”
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