Dear Coleen: I love him, but cracks are appearing in our whirlwind marriage

Dear Coleen

I found out I was pregnant with my daughter six weeks after meeting the man who is now my husband. We met at a party, it was love and lust at first sight, and we got into this insanely passionate relationship.

He was brilliant when I discovered I was pregnant and said he loved me already and was with me for the long-haul. He then proposed on a trip to Vegas and I said yes.

Our friends and family were quite shocked when I told them I was ­pregnant and engaged to someone, as most of them had never even met him!

We got married when I was six months pregnant – I was 26 and he was 28. That was five years ago and we now have a son too, a huge mortgage and we both work full time.

We love each other, but things have been stressful and we bicker a lot. He walked out for a night a couple of weeks back after a bad argument and I keep threatening to leave him.

I’m not sure what’s happened to us – we used to be so positive and a real team, but now we argue over every decision and our sex life has gone off the boil, unless it’s “make-up” sex.

Can you help – we do still love each other, but things are just so miserable at home.

Coleen says

Well, you’ve packed in a hell of a lot in five years and all the stuff you’ve done is challenging and stressful – juggling young children with full-time work along with the responsibility of a big ­mortgage. That would test couples who’d been together a long time, but you’d only known each other six weeks before deciding to embark on marriage and parenthood.

And while you were in love, you didn’t really know each other that well at the time. So you’ve had to get to know each other while coping with life’s challenges.

So I think you need to give ­yourselves a break and accept that you did everything at 100mph, but now you need to take a step back and focus on your marriage and reconnecting as a couple. It’s like you haven’t had time to really enjoy being together and to enjoy your achievements.

The fun and the passion has been overtaken by sleepless nights and dirty nappies, and working to pay the bills.

Most couples have quite a long period to enjoy dating and getting to know each other before responsibilities come along.

So, I think you need to almost do it in reverse and go back to dating and prioritizing your relationship.

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