DEAR DEIDRE: LATELY I’ve started to think my boyfriend is only with me for immigration reasons.
He had just broken up with his wife when we met and we have been together for two years.
Though he was unemployed, he assured me the marriage was over and we moved in together. I’m 35 and my partner is 37.
Then he started talking to his wife again and coming to bed in the early hours. He doesn’t want me to meet his children and won’t tell his wife about me. He visits his kids and stays there overnight.
When he’s there, he won’t answer my calls. He makes me feel stupid if I try to talk about it.
Now he has a job and has taken his children on holiday – along with his wife. I’ve seen photos of them holding hands. He said his children asked them to do so but I’m not convinced he loves me.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You can’t know for certain whether he has really ended things with his wife. You only have his word for it.
If he wants a future with you, he needs to start investing in you and not his ex. That means no more going on holiday with her.
Spell out to him that if things don’t change, you will interpret that as meaning he doesn’t value your relationship enough for it to carry on.
Whether he has immigration problems or not as a result of that is not your responsibility.
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