DEAR DEIDRE: MY son says he dodged a bullet when his fiancée cheated on him with another woman.
It was a complete bombshell, totally unexpected, and I am more upset than he is.
As a family we all absolutely fell in love with his partner and treated her like a daughter.
I am 61 and my wife is 59. Our son is 33.
To say we are all in a state of shock is an understatement.
My son has taken it very well. He just says he is glad he found out now, before marriage and children.
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They had such great plans for their future and I enjoyed hearing all about them. I have been emotional since I found out.
I swing from feeling angry to dipping into depression.
It feels like a bereavement because I absolutely adored her, but now I hate her at the same time.
Is it weird that I need some answers from her?
Did she mean the things she said, that she absolutely adored my son and our family?
I am making myself ill over this now. I can’t confide in my son or wife.
She recently had a minor stroke and I cannot burden her with my feelings.
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DEIDRE SAYS: I sympathise. Parents invest a lot in their children’s relationships, so when they break up the pain can take us by surprise.
You must feel like you have lost a family member as you really got to know and like her.
It was natural too that you had high hopes of her joining your family through marriage.
You can’t choose your children’s partners, though.
The decision about who your son dates has to be up to him and it would be best to support his personal choices.
If you feel you can’t talk to your son or wife, make sure you are talking to friends.
And put in a little extra effort with them so you don’t become overly reliant on your son’s relationships.
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