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There\u2019s an enduring obsession that society has with quantifying sex.<\/p>\n
Whether a couple is deemed to be having \u2018too much\u2019 or \u2018too little\u2019, there\u2019s always another magic number to aim for or a dreaded, sexless number to fear.<\/p>\n
But as Match\u2019s dating expert Hayley Quinn tells us, there\u2019s no one-size-fits-all for the amount of times people should be having sex with their partner.<\/p>\n
\u2018Some people consider a relationship sexless if they haven\u2019t been intimate with their partner for the past month,\u2019 she says, \u2018whereas for others it can be when one partner explicitly tells the other they no longer want to have sex with them. <\/p>\n
\u2018Before judging any type of relationship, it\u2019s important to remember that there are lots of reasons why one, or both partners, may no longer want sex within their relationship. <\/p>\n
\u2018From health issues, to older age, to a loss of desire, to identifying as asexual, or recognising they have a different sexuality.\u2019<\/p>\n
There\u2019s also just the grind of life at play with \u2018ruts\u2019 and \u2018dry spells\u2019 for couples in long-term relationships \u2013 over anything from a new baby to work stress \u2013 \u2018incredibly common\u2019.<\/p>\n
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As for what the science says, it seems there\u2019s technically an optimum amount of times per week for people to do it \u2013 but whether that\u2019s right for you is another thing. <\/p>\n
A 2015\u00a0study from York University, which had over 30,000 participants, found people\u2019s happiness levels associated with sex plateaued when they did it once a week.<\/p>\n
Researchers from the University of Toronto Mississauga have also concurred \u2013 having sex around once a week is the \u2018sweet spot\u2019 for happiness.<\/p>\n
Any more than that doesn\u2019t really have any more of an impact, based on data collected from 25,510 Americans aged 18 to 89.<\/p>\n
With that being said, don\u2019t let yourself feel pressure to do it once every seven days \u2013 after all, that stress will probably defeat the purpose of doing it in the first place.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re worried you\u2019re not having enough sex, or that your relationship might be verging on sexless, Hayley says: \u2018Before hitting the panic button, consider if this is just a \u201cdip\u201d \u2013 AKA short-term.<\/p>\n
\u2018If one partner is very stressed they may be physically withdrawing from the relationship, which can make their partner feel insecure and crave affection more. To get out of this cycle, and build the happy, committed relationship you want, you\u2019ll need to reach a compromise. <\/p>\n
\u2018That might mean putting your needs on the back burner for a period of time, as you recognise that your partner has issues unrelated to you to work through.\u2019<\/p>\n
If your partner is a bit of a closed book on the subject, you might think about giving couples therapy a try.<\/p>\n
\u2018Or\u2019, Hayley adds: \u2018it may be about working together to find a middle ground \u2013 that might not (at least for now) be a passionate sex life, but it could be a regular good morning massage or a cuddle on the sofa. <\/p>\n
\u2018Over the course of a long-term relationship, it\u2019s almost inevitable that you\u2019ll have moments of reduced desire \u2013 which is a common reality in relationships, but with a continued commitment to one another, you will be able to work through them.\u2019<\/p>\n