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There are times in every family where one parent picks up the slack if the other\u2019s work becomes demanding.<\/p>\n
For this mum, though, her husband\u2019s job has become a source of contention in their relationship, to the point where she has asked him to quit.<\/p>\n
Posting to Reddit, the woman explained how her husband \u2018got a really great job\u2019 around a year ago. He loves the new role and it more than doubled the family\u2019s income and helped them pay off debt, but as it requires a lot of travel, \u2018he\u2019s gone more of the month than he\u2019s home.\u2019<\/p>\n
The couple share three children \u2013 aged eight, six, and three, adopted from the husband\u2019s sister \u2013 and have two dogs, and without family nearby to help out, the mum says she\u2019s \u2018run ragged\u2019 with housework.<\/p>\n
\u2018I don\u2019t have time for friends,\u2019 she said in her post.<\/p>\n
\u2018It\u2019s never ending\u2026 No time for me whatsoever.\u2019<\/p>\n
Before the man got his current job the pair has opposite schedules, with him working during the day and his wife taking on evening shifts in a restaurant which \u2018didn\u2019t pay great\u2019 but offered her the chance to socialise outside the home.<\/p>\n
She had to quit this job to watch the children at night, instead doing a part-time retail job that she \u2018hates\u2019 due to age differences between her and her colleagues.<\/p>\n
\u2018There is no time for me,\u2019 her post continued. \u2018I don\u2019t even get to sleep alone since my six-year-old has night terrors.<\/p>\n
\u2018When my husband was here, things felt more divided. I still did a lot during the day, but it wasn\u2019t never-ending. <\/p>\n
\u2018There would still be days I didn\u2019t have to worry about lunches or bath time or homework because my husband would pick up the slack. I could go out with friends from time to time.\u2019<\/p>\n
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The mum-of-three added that she felt like she \u2018drowning\u2019 without her husband around, and asked him to resign from the demanding job so things could be more equal.<\/p>\n
However, he refused, saying he loves what he does and is \u2018way happier\u2019 than before.<\/p>\n
\u2018I don\u2019t know how I\u2019m supposed to get through this,\u2019 wrote the woman.<\/p>\n
\u2018I demanded for the sake of my sanity he quit his job, but he exploded. <\/p>\n
\u2018He thinks we\u2019re doing better than ever. We could get a bigger house soon (we live in two-bedroom rancher but I like it), that the kids will have so many more opportunities \u2013 and he\u2019s not wrong, but what about me?\u2019<\/p>\n
In the comments she explained further that her husband refuses to pay for help around the house, and when he is home \u2018he likes to rest,\u2019 so even when both parents are present she\u2019s still responsible for the lion\u2019s share of housework.<\/p>\n
She said: \u2018He\u2019s home alone or going out with friends during his week off. He goes fishing, to the gym, etc. <\/p>\n
\u2018I couldn\u2019t even begin to fathom what it would be like to have time to go to the gym. Naturally that builds resentment.\u2019<\/p>\n
Seeking guidance on whether she was in the wrong, she received a range of responses, mostly decrying the husband\u2019s lack of tangible (or financial) help.<\/p>\n
One commenter said: \u2018Why do you put up with him? You\u2019re slaving away for his <\/em>job, his <\/em>sister\u2019s kids (even if you two adopted them, and see them as yours) and his <\/em>leisure time. You are royally getting f**ed for him <\/em>to have his dream life.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Ask him if he thinks that a divorce lawyer, child support, and alimony are gonna be cheaper than hiring a babysitter or a house cleaner even once a month,\u2019 said another, while a third added: \u2018You need to rethink this marriage. He doesn\u2019t care about you because if he did he\u2019d pay for the damn sitter. He has shown you that he doesn\u2019t care about anyone but himself.\u2019<\/p>\n Another person wrote: \u2018Seems like you\u2019re the hired help\u2026 except he doesn\u2019t pay you. This whole situation is seriously messed up.\u2019<\/p>\n Multiple people suggested the husband needed to either take on a different job in order to be there for his family or contribute more money to the pot so his wife could reduce her stress levels and hire some external help.<\/p>\n Yet some argued that the woman was \u2018whining\u2019 or should be more accommodating of her husband\u2019s \u2018breadwinner\u2019 status.<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019m sorry to say it, but I think you\u2019ll just have to be miserable for a while,\u2019 said one person. \u2018More freedom will come eventually.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019ve never met a parent that actually had time for themselves, especially when the kids are so young,\u2019 added another. \u2018This doesn\u2019t sound all that out of the ordinary.\u2019<\/p>\n Meanwhile, a third person wrote: \u2018He\u2019s working his tail off also and probably would rather be home with his family. Find a way to make this work without him quitting. His paycheck is what is digging you out of that debt hole.\u2019<\/p>\n This woman isn\u2019t the only one who struggles with an unequal division of labour, though.<\/p>\n Research shows that women often take on the \u2018mental load\u2019 in relationships, which has been linked to feelings of \u2019emptiness\u2019 and reduced \u2018satisfaction with life\u2019.<\/p>\n Mothers are also estimated to spend double the time their male partners do on childcare, even if they\u2019re in full-time work themselves.<\/p>\n It\u2019s not easy taking responsibility for a family with no assistance, and a one-sided lifestyle can take a real toll on families and caregivers \u2013 as it\u2019s clearly done in this case.<\/p>\n